An Open Message to Manufacturers of Sheds

Good news:  I have a shed!


Bad news:  So far it has taken two of us, plus assorted allotmenteers to put it up.  We now have a base, four walls, a door (on the floor) and half a roof.  Hence, the following tips to shed manufacturers:

1. Label the packets of screws with their length.  It is absolutely no good to me if you tell me I need to use 30mm screws if none of the packets are labelled and I don't have a tape measure on me.  Drawings of the screws all in a little column with their lengths beside them is simply no use when you're hot, tired and cross.
2. DO NOT put two different size screws in the same plastic (un-labelled) bag.  This smacks of a nasty ploy to confuse your customers.
3. Please resist suggesting to us that it's best to pre-drill the holes.  We know that already because - unlike Ikea - you haven't drilled them for us!
4. Employ an architect to do the illustrations, not a creative artist.
5. Be specific.  For example, you might like to say things like:  Make sure you attach the walls INSIDE the front and back panels because it really does matter.
6. Drop the bit where it says:  This is a two person job.  No it isn't...particularly on a sloping field best by sudden gusts of wind.
7. Make it much, much clearer which is the inside and which is the outside of the panels.  Colours would help here.
8. Make a comprehensive list of EVERYTHING you need to save unnecessary journeys.  For example:  step ladders, a bradawl, a tape measure, a pencil, energy snacks, plenty to drink and (this week) sun screen.  Implying that all we needed was a screwdriver and a drill was economic in the extreme.

PICTURES TO FOLLOW...

Onions Hate Weeds

In 1977, following his penultimate heart attack, my dad lay in his Birmingham hospital bed and instructed me to drive to mid-Wales to check on his vegetable patch.  Why he was growing veg in Wales when we actually lived in Birmingham is another story, but the main point to note here is that he was particularly worried about his onions.  I was told step by step exactly what I had to do with them - lift them up a bit with a fork, lay them out to dry and so on.  When I arrived back at the hospital a couple of days later his first words, if I recall correctly were: 'How are my bloody onions?'

So you see that from a relatively young age I had the seriousness of onion growing impressed upon me, and it has been there ever since.  You simply can't mess about with onions, and in particular they HATE weeds.  You can buy a special hoe, called an onion hoe (no surprises there, then), but I've always reckoned it's best to hand weed them.  It's safer, and gentler and you're less likely to miss anything.

You may recall that I started my onions off in Shropshire a few weeks ago.  I've never done this before and must admit to feeling a bit nervous now that they've finally been transplanted.  Here's a very unflattering photo of me, preparing the ground for them:

Here's how they looked today when I popped up to check on them:

As you can see they look VERY tiny!  I had decided not to net them like I usually do when I plant them as I thought the birds would be unlikely to pull them out as they had already started growing.  Wrong.  I had to replace two or three today, but not too bad I suppose.  Hopefully they will hold their own and thrive.  However, I need to be vigilant because I also found a weed...

I have managed to plant the few strawberry plants I brought with me.  They look a bit sad and lost but providing they produce enough runners this years I should manage a respectable bed next year.  here they are:

I also checked on the potatoes today.  Nothing much to report yet, except for an invading buttercup, but at least it's looking tidy!

A final thought:  In my opinion you can never have enough onions...

Potatoes, Rain...and More Rain...

Well, finally I managed to get a couple of hours to deal with the potatoes.  They have been chitting in their egg boxes for so long now they were almost plotting an escape bid.  So, I loaded the car with tools and drove up to have a look for a suitable spot to plant them:

I think I'll save this bit, maybe for fruit bushes.  The patch at the top where I want to plant a small 'lawn' next to the shed that I haven't ordered yet, which means that there's one bit left:

Ultimately I want to move the compost bin but as you can see if you look carefully through the weeds it is firmly 'posted' in to avoid being blown over by Devon gales (more about West Country weather in a minute).  So, I got the tools out of the car...

...and started digging.  This took some time, partly because the soil was very wet - too wet really, but at the moment I'm having to grab the day - and secondly because the task was halted several times by some very lovely chats with fellow allotmenteers.  I met a man who can apparently predict the weather with great accuracy, and I met the chap who owns the Rotavator.  My friend Steve popped over for a chat, along with Trish, his wife,  then I met a lady I've known for a few years and we had a very interesting talk about green compost.  All in all it was a very nice couple of hours, and I did actually manage a bit of digging between conversations:

The bit on the right hand side of this picture is the pathway between my plot and the one next to it.  I marked it out in a vaguely territorial way with a bit of string I found lying around.  Having done this - very small - amount of preparation it was time to install the potatoes.  They are probably the latest 'second earlies' to be planted in the whole county, but they are in - nearly three short rows of them (miscalculation!), and they must take their chances!

Having done this, I carried the trays of onions from the car, placed them beside the compost bin and covered them loosely with netting.  the general idea was to pop back in a day or so and plant them...but then it rained...and rained...and rained...it has hardly stopped since!  The cloud has been low, the sky has been grey and the rain has fallen like stair-rods...

The weather forecast says that Friday and Saturday will be better, but how wet is the plot?  How well and how quickly will it drain?  Will the onions have rotted away?  Is the netting still in Devon or has it blown over the border into Cornwall?  So many questions and no way of getting answers until the sun comes out!

Finally, I once heard it said that: 'A weed is only a flower that is growing in the wrong place'.  How very true: